വിശപ്പ്‌

ഞാന്‍ മാര്തഹള്ളി വിശന്നു വലഞ്ഞു നില്കുകയായിരുന്നു ഇനി ഒരു ജ്യൂസ്‌ എങ്കിലും കുടിക്കാതെ മുന്നോട്ട് പോവാന്‍ ആവില്ല എന്ന അവസ്ഥ , ഞാന്‍ ഒരു മലയാളി ജ്യൂസ്‌ സെന്റെറില്‍ കയറി , അവിടെ കണ്ട വിലകൂടിയ ഒരു ജ്യൂസ്‌ തന്നെ ഓര്‍ഡര്‍ ചെയ്തു. അത് കഴിച്ചുകൊണ്ടിരിക്കുമ്പോഴാണ് ഒരു അമ്മയും കുഞ്ഞും വന്നു എന്റെ നേരെ കൈ നീട്ടിയത്, എനിക്ക് ശരിക്കും ദേഷ്യം ആണ് വന്നത് ഭക്ഷണം കഴിക്കാനും അനുവദിക്കില്ല നാശങ്ങള്‍ എന്ന് മനസ്സില്‍ ആലോചിച്ചു ഞാന്‍ നിഷേധ സ്വരത്തില്‍ തലയാട്ടി, ഒന്നും പറയാതെ അവര്‍ തിരിഞ്ഞു നടന്നു. ഞാന്‍ ജ്യൂസ്‌ സെന്റെറില്‍ കാശ് കൊടുക്കുമ്പോള്‍ വയറു നിറഞ്ഞെങ്കിലും മനസ് നിറയാത്ത അവസ്ഥ. ബാക്കി വന്ന കാശിനു ഒരു ബിസ്കെട്ടും വാങ്ങി ഞാന്‍ ആ അമ്മയെയും കുഞ്ഞിനേയും തേടി നടന്നു. അവര്‍ കുറച്ചകലെ വേറെ ഒരാളുടെ മുന്നില്‍ കൈ നീട്ടുകയായിരുന്നു, അയാളുടെ അവഗണനയും സഹിച്ചു നടന്ന ആ കുഞ്ഞിന്‍റെ കയ്യിലേക്ക് ഞാന്‍ ആ ബിസ്കെറ്റ് വച്ച് കൊടുത്തു , ഒരു ചിരി തിരിച്ചൊരു ചിരി.

തിരിഞ്ഞു നടക്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഒരു മനുഷ്യന്‍ ആവുകയായിരുന്നു അഥവാ ഞാന്‍ എന്റെ തന്നെ ഹീറോ ആവുകയായിരുന്നു, വിശപ്പ്‌ സ്വയം അനുഭവിച്ചത് കൊണ്ടാണോ ആ സഹജീവിയുടെ വിശപ്പ്‌ എന്നെയും വേട്ടയാടിയത് എന്നെനിക്കറിയില്ല. ഞാന്‍ കാരണം ആ കുട്ടി ചിരിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ കിട്ടിയ സന്തോഷം അത് പറഞ്ഞറിയിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റുമെന്ന് തോനുന്നില്ല. ഇനി ഒരിക്കലും കാണാന്‍ സാധ്യത ഇല്ലാത്ത ഏതോ ഒരു കുട്ടിയുടെ (stranger ഇതിനെക്കാള്‍ നല്ല വാക്ക് മലയാളത്തില്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്നു തോനുന്നില്ല) നിറഞ്ഞ കണ്ണുകളില്‍ ഒരു പുഞ്ചിരി വിരിയിക്കാന്‍ എനിക്ക് പറ്റിയെങ്കില്‍ ഞാന്‍ കരുതുന്നു അത് തന്നെയാണ് ഏറ്റവും വല്യ പുണ്യം.

നേര്ച്ചപെട്ടിയില്‍ ഇടുന്ന പണം പുറത്തുള്ള പാവങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് കൊടുക്കാന്‍ നിങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് പറ്റിയാല്‍ നിങ്ങള്‍ തന്നെയാണ് ദൈവം ... (y).

Soulmates : Based on a True Love Story !!

It was almost 11:30 pm, I was traveling from Ernakulam to Bangalore on Saturday March 5th 2016. I noticed a guy who was sitting in-front of me was frustrated with his mobile, I was watching a movie, I observed him while watching a movie.11:50 pm: once the movie finishes I inquired about his frustration. He politely told me that he wanted to text his girlfriend and her birthday starts in few minutes. I lead my mobile, he refused and requested for hot-spot (there was only an edge connectivity that was enough for him to text over whats-app), he was looking at mobile and a smile blown on his face - it was outcome of her happiness, he thanked me and disconnected the internet.
He introduced himself as a final year engineering student - studying in a reputed college in Coimbatore and he is from Ernakulam. I introduced myself, I have seen a 3 years back myself in him, I was curious about his love story. He didn’t want to share but still he didn’t want to disappoint someone who helped him to make his girlfriend happy on her birthday :).

He started telling the story, yes his LOVE story...
"I have seen her first time in a group photo which my friend had shown me, I asked about the pretty girl who sat with a cute smile in all pics. She explained as a good girl with good sense of humor and more over her best friend too. As a girl had given a clean chit about a girl - she wouldn’t be that bad. I asked my friend to help me to connect her. She has suggested me to send a friend request and wait for 2 days. My friend was studying in Calicut Medical college for Eye technician course and she was her classmate. My friend had come for 3 days vacation and went back on Sunday, my request has been accepted on Monday evening :)".

He drank some water and continued...
"I send a 'Hi' in the night on the same day, I got reply on next day evening, I waited for her in the evenings and started the conversation. It took some time for her to trust me, she had told me that she only accepted my request because my friend had convinced her that I am good boy. I gave a word that “the day I cross the limits you can block me”.(She had told me later that this word had given the courage to text me). We started knowing each other, days passes I have become closer to her, I started loving her more than a friend slowly she has become a part of my life- an unavoidable part. Everyday I waited only to hear her stories of that day, within 5 months we have become so close and started sharing our feelings. She has shared her number and whats-app become our medium of conversation".

“When did you guys meet, you were just friends in those 5 months ?” I interrupted him since I was eagerly waiting for the twist.

He smiled and continued ..
"We were just friends, but for me she was everything(he is corrected his sentance - she is). I wanted to tell her about my feeling, I couldn’t I was afraid to loose my friend but I need her for my life, I couldn't even imagine someone else is even looking at her. When she travel from Calicut to home(Kannur) in train- in the evening when she tells about the guys who looked at her I feel like killing them. I realize that I was going mad about her. It was a Tuesday evening I have decided to express my love and called her, in a breath I had told her “I love you”, she was shocked and told that will talk later and disconnected the call. I blamed myself for the proposal, the 3 hours she had taken to call me felt like 3 years in my life. She told me that “I like you as a good friend, I don't have anything bad to tell about you, you are so caring.But, all I wanted to tell you is that I cannot hurt my parents, I never say no if my parents suggest you as my life partner, and this is the time to study and we will be good friends”
Should I be happy because she didn’t say No, should I be sad that she didn't say Yes :(. All I knew was I cannot leave her for this reason. I tried to be normal but each time I text her - those words started hunting me, its neither yes nor no. I started feeling a gap in between us. I have planned a meeting with her".
“Did you propose a girl before meeting ?” I couldn’t resist myself from asking that question.
He smiled and said “I loved her soul not her body” He wasn’t a philosopher - he was just a guy who experienced true love, those words were from experience. I smiled and requested him to continue the story.

He followed ..
"I went all the way to Calicut to meet her, when I call her she didn't pick the call, I tried calling her more than 20 times. I had realize that she didn't want to meet me, I stopped messaging her, she had text me and told sorry but I couldn’t convince myself to reply. After a week she had called me, I was in the hospital after a minor accident. She cried over phone and fought with me for informing her about my condition, she also told about the meeting that her mobile was in hostel and she was in College. That call took me back to the relation, I started loving her more than I used to, she missed me that means she loves me. I started waving wonderful stories :) .
It has been almost a year after we exchanged our first text, we had fought so many times after that proposal(that we never did before) , whenever I take love matter we end up with fighting. I left her so many times and I went back too, by realizing that I cannot live without her.
Till this moment I didn't meet her, but I know she is my everything. I am not sure does she love me or not but I love her. If she get hurt I feel the pain more than she does, if this is not LOVE I dont know what love is. I LOVE HER either she LOVES ME or NOT".

He finally completed his one year old love story by expressing his deepest love to a girl he never met. I had thousands of questions in my mind still I only asked one. You loves her alot and you know that words are thousand times times powerful than text still you didn't try to call her, even I offered my mobile ?. He smiled and replied ”You were a stranger and I don't want to take a risk of sharing her number just over a birthday wish !!”. I felt bad still I realized the depth of his care.

It was 1:30 am, I told good night along with best wishes for his love story. While falling asleep, I was thinking about the Trust and love he has for her. I said myself True Love still Exists :)

Life Partner : A Best friend can be Your Best Life Partner

Dedicating this story to all my friends who hide their feelings to keep a relation alive :)

It was 11:30 pm of a Thursday night, I was sleeping in my room.suddenly I started hearing a familiar tune, my unconscious mind tried it best to recognize it - yes my mobile was ringing.I lead my hand towards the phone and picked the call (on that very moment I hated touch screen- so much struggle I put to attend the call :() my dozy eyes were still closed and gave most laziest hello I could ever give, but in return was vibrant HELLO !! with a female Voice. The energy went through my vein - all of sudden I woke up and sat on my bed and started the conversation.

“Hallo, Who is this” Still I was lazy to look at my mobile screen to identify the person.
“Heyy this is ammuzz yaar, what are you doing”
“I was playing cricket, What the hell, why did you call this time? ” The tune in her voice gave a positive vibe (it means she is not in trouble) so I had enough right scold her for breaking my sleep.
“Why are you so angry my dear friend?, cool down I wanted to tel you something” She was cool in her words.
“I did text you an hour back, what the hell had happened in last 1 hour, that cannot wait even 8 hours.” My words were still carrying the anger.
“Heyy Mr Cool,this anger never suites for you, wanted to tel you something” she console me with pet names that has been given by her.
“Okay my dear, now tell me the good news, did you find a fool to fall in Love with you ? :P ” I was slowly coming to her mood, that is the best quality she has, I always end up with smiling if I start fight with her.
“I have been thinking about you last few hours, and I wanted to meet you on Saturday” She murmured the words already kept in her mouth for few minutes.
“Why ??, that is not going to work, you know I am in Bangalore, how are you expecting me to be there on Saturday ?”
“You know I wanted to meet you tomorrow, but I postponed it because I knew that you cannot catch a bus now and come to Kannur”

I was not sure what was going in her mind but I was sure that it is something important and I woke and open my laptop and started searching for ticket for Friday night. Over phone I was fighting with her and convincing her that I cannot come, but when she told me that I wanted to meet you, I was sure I will be there at home on Saturday. Within an half an hour I made my self ready to travel on very next day, I know you might be thinking about the girl who has power in my life to change my entire plan of weekend over a phone call? The answer is very simple she is my best friend - someone in my life who knows about all the girls I proposed, the only one person in my life whom I can share everything with.
It has been five years she is with me, the day I met her in the train journey from Thalassery to Calicut - she was just like everyone whom I used to meet in the train. She was a vibrant girl - a person who carries lots of energy. I haven’s seen her sad, when I told her that I am relocating to Bangalore very first time we felt a pin drop silence in between us, before I recovering from it, she pat on my shoulder and said I will also be there soon. Once I reach Bangalore I started missing her-even she shared the same with (values of people will be realized in their absence only- sensible quote). To overcome that situation we started messaging whenever she is in train. But we didn’t have anything to talk - then we started explaining what had happened in the whole day.One day while messaging habit she had complained me that she couldn’t make new friends and she is so happy to be with this good friend. Then I started realizing a bond between us - she has become a reaching point for all my problems she does the same. A relation for life time, and she is the best adviser for all my love stories ( unsuccessful :( - I don’t have a successful story either).
Friday the entire day I didn't do any work at office, I was thinking what does she need by meeting, she give surprises, but she always make sure that I am comfortable with it. In this case she didn’t even care about my situation- yes this gonna be something really important. After so much fight she revealed that this day will decide her future - this is definitely related to her marriage - she is going to introduce a guy - as per our contract we have decided to introduce our life partners to each other so that our marriage will not be a barrier for our friendship. But she didn’t tell about any serious marriage proposal was going on these days.May be she wanted to give surprise !!!.
I reached home by 6:30 am. Mom forced me to sleep but I didn’t, if your mind filled with something excited sleep run away. I took bath and all set to meet her- we had planned our meeting by 10:00 AM, 2 more hours to go. I text her she is getting ready. I started by 9:00 reached there by 9:35 AM. We are meeting at thalassery Park - The park was almost empty. I called her she told me to come inside. I saw a girl sitting alone on a seat by looking at the sea. I though she might be counting the waves - I tapped on her shoulder and sat next to her.

“Are you counting the waves by calling me all the way from Bangalore ?” I threw a question towards her.
“I didn’t let you wait, the way all your girl friends had done before” That frown spoke rest of the words.
“Okay my dear, now tell why are you here by 9:30 for a 10:00 o clock meeting, I haven’t seen a girl coming in time for a meeting” I was more interest to know why she is early than the real matter.
“You haven’t met a real girl before” it came as a boomerang.
“ Now I m with a real girl I guess :). Heyy fool I didn’t come to fight with you that we could have done over call, now you tel me why are we here. The so called life changing incident ?”
“Are you busy ? , If you are you can carry on .. If you feel that you have some time to spend with me, I wanted to tel you something” I realized that she need some more time.

I lead a diary-milk (silk - she likes that flavor) which I brought for her, her angry reddish face become cute and she has become a kid in few seconds. While eating the chocolate she murmured ‘I wish to get it daily ‘ I heard those words still I asked her what did she say, she scolded me for interrupting her from eating chocolate. I was enjoying the moment by seeing how cute when she is eating chocolate.
We didn’t speak for few minutes, I looked at the sea and started imagining some crazy things like, jumping into it. She was eating her chocolate, after few minutes later she came close to me and hold my hand, I didn’t feel anything bad. Whenever we are in trouble and wanted to share something emotional we used do this, we believe - holding hands passes the care and love from one to other. I looked at her eyes, this wasn’t the same girl who ate chocolates 2 minutes back, that smile was not there. I have realized that she wanted to tell me something important - I gave my full attention and looked at her eyes.

“Sam, I wanted to tell you something” I smiled back she continued
“I feel, I cannot live without you, I need you in my life as my better half I cannot even imagine spending a second without You” She leaned on my shoulder and started crying.
I was not sure what do I tell her, few drops of tears rolled out from my eyes and rest on my hand. I hold her hand little tighter I know she wanted to tell me so much but she couldn’t. There is not even single reason for me to tel no, but I didn't think of it before.
“Heyy fool, for this silly matter why did you call me all the way from Bangalore” I was trying to make this situation cool, she broke my words and continued ...
“I know, I dont have even a single quality of a girl you have dated before, and you know me better than anyone. I don't have any quality you wish your partner should have. Please don't hate me for this, be with me as good friend if you cannot see me as lover. But my heart always sinks when you talk about another girl...“ She was still looking at sea, her eyes were wet.

I wasn’t prepared for a romantic dialogue, was expecting her partner and she was saying she want me to be her partner.

“I am not sure what should I tell you. I don’t know what feeling I kept for you. Whenever I need you, you were there for me. I never thought of taking our relation to that level, may be all experiences I have with love stories aren’t good. If I think of you I know someone in my life who always care for me. I was afraid to take our relation to any other levels.” I took a long pause.... She was keeping looking at me and I continued ..

“But for this very moment all I want is your happiness” I wiped her tears and kissed her forehead and said “I LOVE YOU” and she murmured to my heart “I LOVE YOU TOOO...”